humility / spirit of the valley
“Never does a sage go ahead of other men, but always follows in their wake.” - Yin Xi
Mask your brightness. (56)
The way up has always been down.
The Tao Te Ching was initially written for the leaders of an ancient Chinese culture, yet its wisdom speaks to all of us. Again and again, Lao Tzu reminds the ruler who would be great to not strive to achieve greatness above other men but instead to allow him or herself to sink low and hold to the "bottom" of human interactions, like a valley. We like to believe that being at the top is where all the honor and treasure will be found. But in truth, the treasure lies in the valley. Because, where does every stream run? Downward. The life-giving waters do not seek the mountaintop; they flow freely to the low places, nourishing all. Respect and honor do the same thing: they run downward. No one likes a bragging winner; everyone treasures the underdog who humbly keeps trying or the winner who can maintain that humble "I'm no better than anyone else" stance. This is the spirit of humility—not the posture of self-deprecation, but the quiet decision not to put oneself above others but rather allow oneself to stay quietly in the background. The one who does not seek honor becomes magnetic; the one who does not demand esteem draws hearts without effort. We are drawn to those who rest easily in their own humanity, who stand level with us, not above us.
But even a decision to embrace humility can become a competition if we aren't careful. At its core, humility is the quiet recognition that the Tao, not we ourselves, is the source of all power and direction in life. We imagine we are in charge of our lives, but this is an illusion. The Tao flows through us, carries us, shapes our path. The wise do not try to seize control but surrender to this greater order. True humility also realizes that under the Tao, all things are wonderful, and all things are basically equal. There is no good or bad. There just is. The endless comparisons—status, wealth, intelligence, beauty—are useless distractions that obscure the deepest truth: That we are all beautiful and powerful and worth so much just as we are. When we stop grasping for worth, we discover it was never lacking.
And above all, when we are humble, we remember: the Tao cannot be grasped by the mind. We glimpse its movements, we taste its sweetness, but the Tao itself remains beyond knowing. Wonder softens our arrogance. In awe of this vast mystery, we let go of our striving, sink low as a valley, and allow life to flow through us as it will. We are satisfied to feel the power of the Tao rather than demanding that we understand every aspect of it with perfect clarity.
The value of a bowl lies in its emptiness . . .
One of the most beautiful parallels in the Tao Te Ching is the comparison between a bowl and the valley. Both images speak to the power of emptiness, humility, and receptivity.
A bowl is only useful because it is hollow. Its emptiness allows it to hold tea, water, rice—whatever is needed in the moment. A bowl that is full of itself, packed solid with clay, has no space for anything else. Likewise, a mind or heart filled with pride, self-importance, or the need to be “above” others leaves no room for wisdom, connection, or the Tao to flow in.
The valley has this same nature. The rivers do not rush to the peaks, they gather in the low places. The valley nourishes life precisely because it sits beneath all else, welcoming the waters without resistance or judgment. It does not clamor to be higher, to be seen, or to claim credit for the life it sustains—it simply receives.
Humility is the art of becoming like the bowl and the valley: open, spacious, willing to receive. It is not thinking less of ourselves, but letting go of the need to be “full” of status, superiority, or self-concern. In this way, we create space for the Tao to flow through us, to fill us with what is truly needed. And paradoxically, by being “empty,” we become most abundant.
Live and Let Live
Humility also affects how we judge and interact with other people. If we are constantly criticizing others or making judgments about other people, we are in essence saying that we know what is best for their lives. This is the opposite of humility. If we are dwelling in the valley, we see the choices and values of others as their decision only. We also realize that people make choices based on their own life experiences and path, and those choices make sense for them based on where they are on their life path. With this insight, we realize it is not our place to judge them or offer too much advice. Even excessive compliments run against the valley spirit. When we offer praise, we are in essence saying, "I have a clear perception of your life and choices," which is not usually completely true. Wise leaders and even friends might say, "I was impressed by you performance, but how do YOU feel about it?" Likewise, if we are concerned about someone's choices or actions, we might ask, "How do you feel about your choices?How are they working for you?" Clear judgment of a life and its actions or achievements belongs to the liver of that life alone.
What humility and returning to the valley looks like in our lives . . .
Letting go of the need to be viewed as right, superior, or even competent. In the valley, how other people judge us becomes irrelevant.
Not imposing our own values, viewpoints and choices on others. We see the choices of others as valid based on their own life path and experiences and refrain from judgment and criticism.
Being content with what the Tao has given us, realizing it is perfect and for our good.
Being open to new experiences without fear of failure.
Being content to be a work in progress. We realize the value of the empty bowl.
quotes
“You neither desire wealth nor greatness; and, indeed,
I value and admire such a man much more than I do any of the great men in the world.” — Thomas More
“Pride more than age hastens life to its end;
And they who in pride pretend
Beyond man's limit, will lose what lay
Close to their hand and sure.”
“The noblest thing a man can have is a humble and quiet heart... the wisest thing for a man to possess, if he but use it.”
“A student came to a rabbi and said, 'In the olden days, there were men who saw the face of God Why don't they any more?' The rabbi replied, 'Because nowadays no one can stoop so low.'” — Anonymous
“Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” — Jesus of Nazareth
“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels” — Augustine
“Although the ancient masters lived in the world, no one thought they were special.”
“Even three feet of snow can’t crush a one-inch spiritual pine.”
“By making ourselves lower than others we can use their wisdom and power as our own.
Thus we can win without taking up arms, without getting angry, and without making enemies.”
— Wu Cheng
“Humility is truth.” — Erasmus
"Judge not that ye be not judged." — Jesus of Nazareth